International Catastrophe: Yankees-Red Sox Series Set For London

By Ted Gay – @TedG63

Four hundred years ago my ancestors spent six months sweating below deck on a ship that reeked of crap and vomit, sick to their stomachs, and scared witless by violent storms to reach Plymouth then survived brutal winters, the threat of Native Americans, and starvation just to get out of the hell hole known as London, England.  Now the Red Sox and Yankees foolishly seek to return.

Setting aside the practical reasons to not travel in the middle of the season to Europe to play two games:  the loss of home games, the effects of travel, the breaks needed before and after the trip which will lessen off days later during the season, and worrying about the airline losing David Price’s dog Astro during transit there are other issues to consider.

Firstly, did anyone ask the people of London if they want to see a what is known in Britain as fast cricket?  Baseball’s speed is going to freak these people out. How will they deal with a game that doesn’t have a tea break?   Since the average time of a Red Sox vs. Yankees game is five and a half hours what are Londoners supposed to do with the rest of their day?

Sure, they flock to watch football, but that is just to see overly muscled yanks in full battle gear running head first into one another trying to give each other concussions.  After kicking their asses in two wars and bailing their butts out in two more watching Americans knock each other out for their pleasure is the closest Britain will ever come to militarily beating the US.

There has been a lot of positive reaction to the news.  Managing neophyte and all around naive person Aaron Boone is delighted about the trip reasoning that travel time to England is less than to California proving he has never experienced customs.  Boone excitedly told reporters he had not been to London adding that to the list of things he has never seen including the manager’s office at Yankee Stadium, the view from home plate after handing over a lineup, and the wrath of a Steinbrenner.  Boone should curb his enthusiasm because there are better odds that Babe Ruth will be starting game one for the Sox than that Boone will be the Yankee skipper in June of 2019.

It also worries me, given the whims of the oval office’s current occupant, and the number of foreign-born players on the Red Sox, that players may not be allowed back into the country, especially if there is a problem with the Trump International Golf Links in Aberdeenshire, causing the President to lash out at the Netherlands and blocking their residents from our shore leaving Xander Bogaerts stranded in Aruba.  How strongly I feel about this development will be greatly influence by Bogaerts’ 2018 OPS.

There is little good that can come for the Yankees and Red Sox playing in London unless the home of the Queen is on Giancarlo Stanton’s lists of places he won’t play   I do believe the invitation was a trap by those crafty Londoners taking revenge on two cities that soundly defeated the British army during the Revolutionary War. I am afraid they will fill our boys with bangers and mash, then bumps and squeaks, causing three months of gastric unrest and a precipitous fall in the standings.

As my ancient ancestor said when he docked in Plymouth “Never trust a Londoner and hand me the puke bucket.”

 

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